#54 Post-Grad Drinking Games with Emily's friends

Beth M. Grigg
May 27, 2022
3 min read

Back in the day at Penn, I was known to--only on very, very rare occasions because I was underage y'all-- play drinking games at Smokes, in Butcher 306, and in the basement of Murphs (see you in church!).

We played the infamous Vegetable Game™, Whales Tales, Bullsh*t, The Moose Game, Chutes & Ladders and of course Quarters. What I never understood, though, was that the point of those games was to win by making your opponent drink... And for you to avoid drinking yourself.

Huh???

I mean drinking games were fun but we weren't playing them for the thrill of strategy or skill. We were playing them solely as a way to laugh ourselves silly and to distract ourselves from the taste of $5 pitchers of beer.

At Em's school, they play their games in the more logical way... You are competing to be the first to finish your drink. Penn is better than her school in every single way, except maybe with drinking games.

I found myself at a post-grad Haus party last night. Things that were the same as my recollections of college parties:

The smell of stale beer,
The dark rooms and living room dance floor
The designated vomit station
The big old vats of punch.

I have to admit, these guys get one more bonus point because they actually had their punches labeled with ingredients. At Penn, the punch was full of a mixture of grain alcohol, kool-aid, and who knows what else. Never knew exactly what you were drinking. Twas tasty tho.

I was challenged to a game of "Balls" by Emily and Wiki (not her real name) . Cups (not his real name) was stuck with me as a partner. Gismo (not her real name) and Erin (totally her real name... I think) watched.

We were up in the unfinished attic of Haus, which looked exactly how you would think it would. 12 years of Haus residents leaving behind random stolen signs, graffiti from the visiting Brown group of house guests covered the rafters, and a glowing picture of Jesus watched over the beer pong table. I like to think He was playing along, but instead of beer, He was shooting down wine.

Anyways, the point of "Balls" is to try to hit your opponent's beer can. If you do, you start chugging until your opponent fetches the ball, slams it on the table and tells "stop".

You wouldn't think it but there's a learning curve. It took me a bit to remember to run after the ball (poor Cups was the sole chaser for several rounds until I figured it out).

And, I didn't make the connection right away that if you squat down by your beer can, your mouth is closer to the goods which enables you to start drinking a hecka quicker.

The object is to be the first team to finish both beers.

Those of you who go out with me know that it takes me a solid 30 minutes to finish a glass of wine. So there was no hope for me.

But I have to appreciate Wiki who kindly slowed down her chug-a-lugging to let me almost catch up.

Emily and Wiki won the game, but I think we all see who the real winner was.

Cups, because he got me for a partner.

Since it was loooooong past my bedtime, I headed home, leaving the children to their non-chaperoned debauchery.

But I'm sending out a huge thank you to Emily's friends for making me feel so welcomed and loved. If y'all are ever in Tampa, come visit me.

Thank you Wiki for the amazingly delicious pulled pork and slaw. You are the best cook and were so kind to make it for me. And thank you for being so good to Emily. I adore you and I'm glad we launched our Snapchats streak so we can stay in touch. (You'll be sorry because I love to use filters with voice changers and face swappers!)

And thank you Emily for letting me come and have a glorious weekend with you. I'm so glad we finally got pictures in your cap and gown. It was so fun taking pictures all around campus in front of your dorms and houses and the important places you lived to go.

Freshman year: BALCH HALL