#61: Slot Canyons, Stars, and Spiders

When Oliver is with me, good things just spontaneously happen.

Let me explain by telling you about our second day in Utah.

And forgive me. I am sitting out on the deck of our tiny house with a lot of caffeine on board and I feel kind of wordy. You can skip to the pictures if you want.

Anyways….here’s the story:

As usual, I got up pre-sunrise and left Oliver behind to sleep in longer, like a normal person should.

It was a chilly day and of course I forgot my car key so I couldn't get my jacket. No matter -- I soon would be at my favorite coffee place with steaming cup of caffeinated goodness to warm me up.

Shocker: I wasn't the first in line today. Four "trying to be rugged in order to show off to each other but let's get real they don't really like hiking but would rather be drinking brewskis at the local sports bar" gentlemen were ahead of me. They took for-e-ver to order their rugged coffee (no cream and sugar for them!) and rugged breakfast pastry.

Ok. All is well.

I got up to the counter, glanced at the menu of Local Favorites and ordered a Coco-Caramel-Nut-Nitro. It was ready in a jiffy and he handed me a beautifully made – iced coffee.

Whaaaaaat? I’m a derf. I didn’t know that nitro is always iced. Now there’s a good life lesson for you kids. Learn from my mistakes.

Ok. All is well.

I went up to my favorite deck to write yesterday’s story. Mind over matter. I was determined to be warm. I wasn’t. And an annoying family full of small cranky kids who were still pissed from not being able to go to Disneyworld also joined me on the rooftop deck.

Today wasn’t starting out well.

Ok. All is well.

After finishing my story and playing waaaay too much Theme Park Tycoon (do not…I repeat, do not ever upload this game. It is a stupid game. And addictive. Yet as I’m typing this, I’m itching to sign in to see if my theme part customers liked the new upgraded roller coaster I developed for them), I headed back towards the hotel by way of several gift shops. So that was ok. You can’t mess up gift shops!

Ok. All is well.

I swung by the hotel breakfast buffet to grab a little protein. People in these parts are HUNGRY and they cleaned out the buffet. I walked out with a sad little half-moon of an egg patty and a glass of water.

Ok, all is well.

Not a bad morning so far, but definitely the odds were not in my favor.

But when Oliver was up and we were on the road heading for our next adventure, my luck changed. He’s my lucky little charm.

We were needing to drive an hour to get to our next spot and I was envisioning a drive similar to what we had done the previous day to the movie theater – pretty landscapes but not a whole lot to write home about.

Instead, the GPS steered us into the entrance line to Zion. Whaaat? We had to double check several times to be sure this was correct, but it was.

Ok, cool!

And, because I had the wisdom to get a seven day pass the day before, we did not have to pay the $35 entry fee.

Ok, cool!

And the road was absolutely breathtaking. Even better than what we saw on the park shuttle the day before. A-ma-zing! No pictures will do it justice so we didn’t even try.

Ok, cool!

Suddenly we came to warning signs saying tunnel ahead. We were stopped by a ranger, who said, “Hey, if you do me a favor, I’ll let you go through as long as you don’t mind stopping to tell the ranger on the other side that you are the last one in line. It’ll save you about 20 minutes”.

Ok, cool!

The tunnel was beyond dark and utterly cool. It was two lane but if a bus wanted to go by, it had to take up the entire lane. Which is why when we emerged from the tunnel, and after stopping to give the ranger the message, we were shocked to see a line up of cars, buses, vans, and other vehicles that must have been about a mile long waiting to go through. And we didn’t have to wait for that parade to go through thanks to the ranger and Oliver’s good luck.

Ok, cool!

We got to the area close to where our next adventure was, and found a restaurant open to swing in and grab a quick bite. How could we go wrong – it was the place of the “Ho-Made Pies”. I don’t think their mamas would be proud, but hey, you be you.

We ordered, played a round of Milles Bornes (I lost), ate our grub, and was back on the road in the exact perfect time to our adventure: East Zion Experiences UTV Slot Canyon Tour.

Here's the info blurb: We will cruise through the sands of the Elkheart Cliff back country via ATVs. On the way, we will stop at Red Cave Slot Canyon where we will explore. Beautiful vistas will be seen in all directions as your heart races with excitement in our super aggressive ATVs.

Sound fun? Oh yeah – it was!

Our tour guide Gabby was incredible. More on her later. But to get us started, she asked us if we wanted to go “Fast and bumpy” or “Slow and smooth”.

Um…what do you think?

Fast and bumpy it was! We buzzed around zipping back and forth between the state road and the ATV trail, seeing the sites of Orderville, UT on our way. Cool place to visit – wouldn’t want to live there.

But check this – we passed a high school/middle school and up in the mountains behind the school were tons of painted numbers. Gabby told us that each class when they graduate are allowed to paint their class year on a rock. I guess you have to get some reward to grow up in a town without a Chuckie Cheese.

Anyways, we pulled off the road and started driving down a private road. This is where the fun really started. Gabby was right – she was able to drive so fast and hit all the bumps and swerves so well that I couldn’t help but shriek and giggle every time. It was so much fun and I still don’t get how that ATV was able to climb over the rocks and pits without getting stuck or even slowing down.

Ok, cool!

After a bit we found ourselves to the entrance of our first slot canyon. So cool looking and so Indiana Jones-esque.

What is a slot canyon? Slot canyons are narrow gorges in soft rocks like Utah’s layered sedimentary deposits. They are named for their narrow width, often squeezing down to a sliver. Now you know.

Gabby pointed out at the beginning of the cave where some petroglyphs were.

Quick history lesson for y’all: Petroglyphs are rock carvings made by pecking directly on the rock surface using a stone chisel and a hammerstone. When the desert varnish of the surface of the rock was chipped off, the lighter rock underneath was exposed. Included among the odd doodle-like designs are human figures (anthropomorphs) and animals figures (Zoomorphs). Evidence shows that the ancestral Puebloans had been in the area for about two-thousand years and the Paiutes had been around for about 800 years.

Gabby explained that experts believe the carvings communicated to others where there was good hunting (with the Zoomorphs), where there was water (a drawing of the Virgin River) and where the tribe has staked their territory (the anthropomorphs). It was incredible to see them in person.

The slot canyon itself was indescribable (but ya know I’m going to try). It was dark in most places but with natural sky lights scaling up hundreds of feet, it was like the cave was illuminated with a spot light.

I changed my mind. I can’t try to describe it, but here are some pictures.

At one place, Gabby explained that we needed to scale this wall to get to the next section. She gracefully spiderman-crawled up the rock and hoisted herself to the platform.

Next came Oliver – he followed her lead and quickly rolled onto the platform too.

Next came me. I tried to follow her lead. I got up to the base of the platform with a fair amount of shimmying with minimal grace and dignity. There I was, my back pressed against one side of the wall, and my trusty hiking boots to the other. But when I had to hoist myself up and squeeze through the rocks to get up onto the platform, let’s just say that my mind said “Let’s go”, but my big old booty said “Heck no”. So I slithered back down and spend a few minutes getting some tattoo shots instead while Oliver explored the upper cave.

As we were walking back out, Oliver suddenly stopped and said, “Oh wow…look at that giant spider”. Sure enough, there was a gnarly boi hanging out above our heads. But as we looked closer, Oliver noticed another spider. And Gabby noticed another. And another. And another. And another. The cave wall was literally crawling with spiders.

What did we do?

We hightailed the freak out of there! Are you kidding?

My mama didn’t raise no dummy.

The pictures don’t do it justice. But use your imagination. They were big. They were gnarly. They were getting into attack formations. It was a badass spider party and I did NOT want to be a part of it.

Anyhoo….

After another round of ATV roller coaster rides we hit another slot canyon and explored that one too. And Gabby was the expert at telling us great ways to catch pictures. Here are some of my favorites, but once I get my hands on the ones Oliver took, I’ll add them on too.

Gabby was the best possible tour guide. She made the experience so personalized for us, and she was kind and knowledgeable. She goes to school in Idaho and is studying Exercise Kinesiology. She took this job this summer in total badass style – she didn’t know anyone in Utah, she hadn’t ever done this type of work before, and she didn’t know what living in Utah would be like. Total badass bravery! She said she loves it and is having a great experience (except for the Black Widow spider she found in her cabin this morning).

If you are in the area, I highly suggest doing this trip with East Zion Experiences and be sure to ask for Gabby as your guide!

Ok, cool!

Oliver and I are back on the road. We drove about an hour through beautiful scenery until we found ourselves at our home for the next two nights – a tiny house in a tiny house neighborhood at the base of Zion.

This place is ridiculously awesome!!! This little house has two bedrooms, a bathroom with a stone sink and a rainforest shower, a full working kitchen, and best of all, a rooftop deck with a firepit.

Ok, cool! We got so lucky with this place. It was the perfect place to relax and have some down time.

Oliver cooked us up a feast of grilled hot dogs, corn on the cob, and salad, and I made us up a hiker’s charcuterie board of Slim Jims, Cheese sticks, grapes and apples.

He drank Bud Light (ewwwwwww) and I drank super sweet wine (just the way I like it) as we watched Tampa Lightning take on the Colorado Avalanche in game three of the Stanley Cup. I think this is THE BEST place I have ever watched a hockey game.

Well, except for that time Oliver played in the outdoor rink in Chicago.

And the rink at University of Michigan.

And the rink at Illinois State.

And all the games at Darien Sportsplex and Addison Ice arena.

(But NOT the game in Cleveland where there was no blue line and the glass fell out during the game because it was held together with duct tape).

Ok, it was the best place I ever watched a non-Oliver game.

And Oliver’s good luck continued because Tampa SMOKED Colorado. Finally.

Right as the game ended, the sun was setting. We got in a couple more rounds of Milles Bornes before it got too dark to see.

Ollie started the firepit and we roasted marshmallows while playing “Would you rather”.

Ok, cool!

But the best was yet to come.

The stars came out.

Thousands and thousands.

We spent time taking pictures. Oliver definitely is the photographer of us and I’ll share his amazing pictures when I get my hands on them.

We spent time using the SkyWatch app to identify planets, constellations, and satellites overhead.

And we just sat in silence, wrapped up in blankets, watching for shooting stars.

It was a perfect night.

I couldn’t be luckier than to have Oliver by my side for this adventure.